The Emotional Highs and Lows of a Touring Musician

Another new year is upon us and I was working on my ebook that is a reminiscence of my 2016 UK radio tour. I was on the road for 4 months with little to no down time at all; you'd be amazed at what can happen in a short period of time. The people I met, other musicians I had the honour to share the stage with and countless rare moments I experienced that will live in my memories forevermore. The ebook will have direct quotes from my journal and details about the moments lived and lessons learned. But while working on it, I was making discoveries about myself and the emotional toll a tour can take on a musician.

Going out on the road is a huge part of a musician's job. We do not have a career unless we have an audience that will buy our merchandise and come out to see us play. I started out as a songwriter and learned over the years there is a big difference between an artist and a writer.

I'm a songwriter first and foremost and having said that, being out on the road for an extended period of time taught me the real difference. The high is vastly different between the two and each have their unique just rewards. An artist feeds off the emotions the road provides. It builds and carries us to the sky, then coming home is an instant drop. The higher you are, the harder you fall.

I started touring and promoting my own music as an Indie artist, in recent years. As a songwriter, I

With Scott Neubert at Smith's in Atlanta, GA

was not having any luck getting my songs heard so I started promoting my own music as an artist. I released my first studio recorded CD, Love and Other Disasters in 2007, produced by Scott Neubert. It received countless accolades from across the globe. I also started getting my music placed in TV/films etc. It was a whole new world and I was making progress. My 4th release, A Few Broken Pieces, landed me a membership to the Recording Academy and I was considered for a Grammy in the category of best new country artist. These are the kind of steps that inspire you to keep moving forward and never give up on your dreams.

I started building a fan base in the UK and went out on a radio tour in August of 2016 hitting every single radio station that would play me, I did live in studio performances and interviews and also hit the open mic scene and played for exposure to build an even larger fan base. Any hard working, serious musician knows, there is no formula to success, no set path, you have to blaze your own trail by doing whatever it takes. In doing so your job becomes your lifeline, the people you meet become your crutches that prop you up and the lessons become your to do list, it is learned by trial and error and so you start repeating what proved to be working.

I got a small taste of life on the road, keep in mind there are musicians that spend an entire year on the road, my 4 months was a taste of a musician's reality and all the ups and downs that come along with the lifestyle. I used to read biographies of all my favorite musicians, mainly to learn what worked for them, best way to be a musician is learn what the greats did in order to make a living

Kevin Wrapson and Helen Bawden at
the Manchester airport

doing what you are trying to accomplish. I read countless stories of depression and mental illness and the instability that lurked in the minds of most of these stars, I often judged them and thought suck it up, you are doing what you love, why all the whining….However, now I get it, probably more than ever.

Here in the USA I would go on short tours, hit different regions, 10 days on the west coast, 10 days in the Midwest, etc. After, I would come home it would take a couple days to come off the initial high then I'd fall right back into my normal routine and plan for the next road trip and write new songs. I never felt anything other than a bit of fatigue and I bounced back pretty quickly.

This time was different for me. I packed my bags and grabbed my passport and journeyed to another country with the intention of staying as long as I could with a goal of promoting my latest CD, Safe Haven. I was already building a following in the UK and Lucky me, getting a fair amount of radio play, the tour was easy and I bounced across the country and circled it twice hitting each station that was playing me as well as being sent to new ones all over the radio community. I would promote live performances on the radio shows and started getting a nice draw in all the rooms I played, which got me more invites to play again and many brought me back as a featured artist.

This was it, it was happening, people were noticing and giving me positive feedback every single time. I cannot describe to you the sense of accomplishment as an artist to have a stranger buy your music and walk away genuinely happy as if they have just won a prize. As a songwriter, when that happens, you know you have done your job right. It is like an office worker getting a promotion or recognition for a job well done. There is not a lot of rewards or compensation for an indie artist, so these little natural highs are the gold that keeps us focused on our ultimate goals.

You win some and you lose some it is the nature of the beast, but when you get on a roll and everything is going right, you feel in your mind you are unstoppable and that is the best reward any musician could ever ask for throughout their creative career, in my humble opinion. It certainly gave me a new sense of self worth and a confidence I have never felt before.

Coming home and what happened to me mentally caught me off guard and not what I was expecting. I still have not adjusted to the normal. For 4 months my normal consisted of trains, planes, couch surfing, meeting new people, rewarding interactions that lead to new opportunities, every single day. Since I have been home the high has turned into a low. I had to remind myself of what was accomplished while I was away. Nothing felt grandiose anymore. Nothing held anything that felt

The Basement in Chelmsford, London UK

extra special. I think for me, when talking to family and trying to explain to them how empty I feel now, it becomes glaringly obvious, the reality that, yeah I felt special, but obviously it was not real, I'm nothing more than I was before I left. All those insecurities rush back to rear their ugly faces and stop us dead in our tracks.

I finally get it, I do not think I am alone in these feelings, I think most musicians no matter what level you are at, feel lonely after the crowd has gone home. Like a junky hooked on a drug, I now have a need to feed a crowd and be heard. As an artist making that connection with an audience feels almost as good as it did when I wrote the song.

My family is my songs, my life is my career, my self worth comes from my success and I feel my success is measured by how many people listen and give positive feedback. This is only the beginning for me and I want to give props to all the ones before me that taught me what it takes to make a dream, reality. I want to show respect to the ones I used to think were whiners. The road is not an easy journey to partake in, however the rewards are vast. Please forgive us when we are not ourselves or the person you are used to seeing. Artists are extremely emotional people that seek comfort in very unconventional ways. The world is seen in a different light and artists by default has a self centered nature that makes it hard to understand, that most people, simply do not understand us.

I feel very fortunate to have the opportunity to be able to follow my heart and dreams. I am even more grateful that I have a group of people that love and respect me enough to follow me on this crazy journey we call the music business. The Hoskettes, have created a family that looks out for each other and that, especially in the times we are living now, is not an easy thing to accomplish. This Fan group has become a safe haven for me, a place I can go when I need to feel like I am a part of something.

The Uncommonground in Chicago, IL

I'm a pretty positive person and a firm believer of visualizing the success you want for yourself in order to create a reality. But those visions do not come to fruition without putting forth the effort and that work is never easy. Creative people are humans, like everyone else, we have good days and bad days and most of us have crippling insecurities which is the reason we crave your attention, it is our reminder that we do have something to offer, in a society that we usually do not quite fit into like others do.


Thank you for the blessings, I say this often and hope it does not diminish its meaning, but I cannot be me without all of you. Thank you for the attention and love you have shown me from the beginning and all the times you've picked me up during the in betweens from one failure to the next successful step. Thank you for always believing I could do it, when I did not think I could. Yeah the tour has ended and that feels very sad for me, but the smile comes back when I think of the possibilities 2017 holds.

Here's to another year and may success keep growing, onwards and upwards for all of us, no matter what your dream may be.